demi moore

Posted on October 19, 2012 by


I admit it. Though I don’t like to, I read the article about Demi and Ashton and I read the whole thing. I read about all the messiness of their life and I wondered how

I was sitting at the orthodontist waiting for my children to get more metal put inside their mouths when I read about Demi Moore’s heartbreak and Ashton Kutcher’s betrayal and the hot tub and the kiss and the co-ed who is now telling how she and Ashton had sex on Demi and Ashton’s sixth anniversay. The mess of it all. They should take a page out of Gwenth’s book and move on with it: people cheat, most people cheat and that’s life — to paraphrase what she said. No, actually, it was more about how marriage is hard….that’s right, she left it vague and open and basically gave a pass for infidelity.

Demi Moore is forty eight and Ashton Kutcher is thirty three. Done in the reverse with a starlet and a wise old tastefully wrinkled star, we don’t think much of it. But there I was, in the orthondontist, scrutinizing pictures of Demi and Ashton, who looked like her son. He just did. Now why did this bother me? Am I an unwitting product of our culture so complete that I can’t imagine a relationship with a decade plus older woman than the man? Is it because I am the mother of a son? Would I feel the same way about a younger woman and an older man, having a daughter? George Clooney’s most recent love is twenty-one or something — I found that uncomfortable to read. I thought about his fifty year old body and her twenty year old body and wanted to pluck her out of hte bed and wag my finger at George. I’ve become rigid in ways I never thought I would.

My sister was with a man fifteen years older than her for many years. And, he seemed like an older uncle. He did. That’s a fact. That was an odd relat;ionship and I never understood the appeal unless I doned my psychoanalytic hat and deemed the union her search for approval from an older father figure becasue such was withheald from our fahter. Yawn. Could it really have been that simple?

I think there must be some parenting going on in these younger/older unions. How could there not be? I was married to a man nine years older and though at first our age differnece didn’t seem signifigant, in the end, it was. We were in different places in our development all through our marriage. Adult development has a predictable tragectroy. Eric Erikson wrote about the stages and described certain “tasks” of the decades.

My fahter had a complicated relationship with monogamy. If one is ‘adhereing to monogamy in words and not in action, one is leading a complicated life. I don’t actually know what works better…In Mexico they’re proposing a marriage contract that is up for renewal every three years. That’s not a bad idea. You would always know that your contract might not be reviewed. This would presumably result in better marital behavior.

Posted in: Marriage